You know that song We Are Young by the band Fun? I know you know it. It’s on the radio all the freaking time. It’s super popular. “Toniiiiiiiight….we are youuuuunngggg…gonna set the world on fiiiiiire…” blahdy-effing-blah. Seems like a great drunken anthem. The kind of song that comes on at the bar when everyone’s had just enough booze to start singing all their favorite songs loudly and without shame, usually accompanied by hugs. It’s probably very good for that sort of thing. I can see myself singing it happily with a beer in hand…about eight years ago.
And therein lies the problem. This song sends me hurtling into an early mid-life crisis every damn time I hear it. But it’s catchy, so I listen to it anyway. Because I’m really good at torturing myself and you’re supposed to play to your strengths, right? So I listen to this song and think many things. Things like:
- But I’m not young anymore! (insert hysterical sobbing here)
- I barely managed to put on mascara today. I think “burn(ing) brighter than the sun” is a little ambitious.
- Then the doorman from the movie Knocked Up is in my mind saying, “I can’t let you in cause you’re old as fuck. For this club, you know, not for the earth.” (except I kinda think he means for the earth too…and if you aren’t familiar with that line, you need to be. You’re welcome.)
- Wait…Target has quart-sized mason jars on sale?! Oh HELLS YEAH!!
- Holy fuck I am OLD!
It’s really depressing – and a little ADD – but mostly just depressing.
And the worst part of it is that I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only person in the world who was thrown into an existential crisis every time this song was played. I would ask people about their opinion about it, casually, of course:
Hey, so you know that song “We Are Young”?
Yeah! I love that song!
Oh. Uh…Does it ever make you feel like you don’t know who you are anymore or like your glory days are already behind you or like maybe you need a cooler haircut…or something?
What? No. It’s awesome and I feel amazing every time I hear it. In fact, you should totally see this adorable video of my toddler singing it with me. We’re both very cute and youthful.
Then another little piece of my soul would shrivel and die. Because I’m old and that’s the kind of shit that happens when you’re old and you get confronted with your oldness. It’s the circle of life.
However, today I experienced a breakthrough. Something amazing happened. No, I did not work through all my issues and confront my mortality. (Seriously, who wants to actually deal with their problems? Why do you think bourbon was invented?!) In a blessed turn of events I stumbled across something that gave me hope; proof that someone – somewhere – has a psyche as fragile as mine. That lovely soul went so far as to parody this song and for that, I will be forever grateful. My spirits are lifted and better yet, I am entertained.
Now, it’s possible that this little ditty went viral four minutes after Fun released their distressing single and I’m only just now hearing it because of, you know, The Old. But I’m ok with that. I just want everyone to get in on this sardonic naval-gazing goodness with me and have a little laugh. I’ll warn you, there are a few rather rough bits in this. Mostly just crude humor – nothing too awful – but consider yourself warned.
Disclaimer: Just for the record, I seriously love my family and my life and I wouldn’t trade my oldness or boring housewife crap for all the epic bar fights in the world.