Stuff and Things

In the past week I have:

  1. Used my neti pot approximately 7.2 MILLION times.
  2. Read a really stupid book.  It was free on Kindle.  You get what you pay for.
  3. Read a good book.
  4. Used at least four boxes of kleenex.
  5. Resolved to plant an entire grove of trees sometime in the near future.  Or at least pay someone to plant them.
  6. Checked out Piglet’s BIG Movie from the library.
  7. Watched Piglet’s BIG Movie 54 times.
  8. Taken out a hit on Piglet.
  9. Overheard Max singing the theme song from Piglet’s BIG Movie.
  10. Resolved to purchase Piglet’s BIG Movie at any cost as soon as possible.
  11. Pretended not to obsess about how I want to decorate the baby’s room if it’s a girl.
  12. Done at least 12 loads of laundry.  I even folded it.
  13. Put off vacuuming the house.
  14. Cooked some pretty random meals; quesadillas and lemon-parmesan roasted broccoli, anyone?
  15. Was told by Max, “Um, I’m going to go to my room now.  I need to lay on my bed and think about some things for a while.”
  16. Died of cuteness.
  17. Found out that “things” is preschooler-speak for “my birthday party”.  He wants cupcakes and 100 red dragons.
  18. Was amazed by how busy my littlest baby is.  Bumps and kicks like crazy.  Absofuckinglutely thrilling each and every time.
  19. Came across a new favorite word: gefiltefuck.
  20. Shook my chubby, pregnant ass to Thrift Shop by Macklemore.
  21. Fondly remembered how much hotter my ass-shaking was back when I could drink booze.
  22. Pretended not to obsess about our sonogram appointment next week.
  23. Bought a cute clutch at Target for $0.50.  Seriously.
  24. Spent a lot more than $0.50 on my new favorite eye shadow palette.  You get what you pay for.
  25. Bought a daring new lipstick.  It’s called Ballet.  Doesn’t sound intimidating but I had to take about 3 deep, cleansing breaths before I bought it.  It’s awesome.
  26. Watched Mason sleep on a mountain of stuffed animals.  Tried to etch the memory of his cute little body into my mind.  One day he’s going to be so big.
  27. Ate way more chocolate than normal.  WAY more.  I think all the chocolate is gone now.
  28. Drank a few green smoothies.  They were pretty good too.
  29. Was irritated that it was sunny and 70 degrees outside in January.  It takes a special talent to pull this off.
  30. Made a Chocolate-Whiskey Cake.  Considered drinking the batter.
  31. Listened to Max talk about a hundred different things and was floored by how smart he is.  Who taught him all these words?!  When did he get so grown up?
  32. Craved Mexican food.
  33. Had nachos brought to me from a specific restaurant three days in a row by my wonderful husband.
  34. Fell in love with my husband over and over again.  And not just because of the nachos.  Although those didn’t hurt.
  35. Wished there were more trees in my yard.  Or town.  Or Texas in general.  Why are there no trees?!  (This has nothing to do with #4)
  36. Cried.  Because.
  37. Thought some more about keeping my hair long when I’m old and totally grey.  I think I’m going to do it.
  38. Kept my nose out of someone else’s business.   It was more difficult than I like to admit.
  39. Had a dream involving beautiful beds hanging from trees.  It was gorgeous.  I wish you all could have seen it.  We could have lived there with my long, grey hair and it would have been amazing.
  40. Wondered and wondered who on earth is growing inside me right now. I hope we get along really well.
  41. Watched my little sister gleefully turn 25 years old.
  42. Watched my big sister do everything in her power to avoid even the slightest acknowledgment of her birthday.  But I’m pretty sure that clip I texted to her totally made her day.   Or at least six seconds of it.
  43. Had every meal I prepared overseen by a tiny, micromanaging wanna-be chef named Mason.  EVERY.  MEAL.
  44. Heard the word “penis” innumerable times.
  45. Disposed of a real spider without having a panic attack.
  46. Nearly destroyed the master bathroom after spotting a spider in the bathtub.  Turns out that one was fake.  Stupid fake fuckface.
  47. Experienced psychological whiplash when my kids took a three-hour nap one day followed by no nap at all the next.  Pretty sure that’s the sole reason Xanex was invented.
  48. Cuddled with my beautiful boys and my wonderful husband many, many times.
  49. Heard the words, “Hey Mom! You wanna see this fight?!” many, many times.
  50. Wondered daily how I got to be so unbelievably lucky in this life.
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