Roller Coaster

Things That Have Brought Me To Tears Recently:

  • Feeling overwhelmed by my children.
  • Hearing Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga on the radio.
  • Seeing my weight on the scale at my last two midwife appointments.
  • An episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
  • The inexcusable lack of baby bedding in the specific coral color I’m envisioning.
  • Feeling too old and mom-ish to even consider attending Bonnaroo.
  • Noticing, yet again, that my floors only look clean for about six minutes after I’ve cleaned them.  There is no discernible difference between ten minutes or ten days worth of messiness.  It makes me feel defeated.  By tile.  What the fuck.
  • Realizing that the baby is due in about 10-ish weeks and literally nothing is done in her room.  NOTHING.
  • Seeing mayflies outside.  They are the harbingers of doom.  Once you see a mayfly you know the rest of the bugs are on their way.
  • That poor, poor dead basil plant in the garden.
  • That “Slow Burn” yoga class that I thought was going to be fairly easy.  It wasn’t.
  • Craving a hot fudge sundae from Dairy Queen and feeling too tired, lazy and guilty to go get it.
  • Feeling dumb for crying about dumb stuff.


Things That Have Made Me Want To Punch Someone In The Face Recently:

  • Feeling disrespected by someone via text.
  • Approximately 94% of all things posted on Facebook.
  • The absolutely disgusting smoothie I bought after a work out.  Like drinking strawberry chalk except I got to pay $6 for it.  Yup.  Still angry.
  • GMO’s.
  • Ordering a newly advertised sandwich at Whole Foods for lunch only to be told that it wasn’t ready and they couldn’t make it for me.  Never mind all the signs throughout the store touting its awesomeness.  Whole Foods should know better than to tease pregnant women like that.  Get your shit together WF.
  • Being elbowed in the stomach by all three of my children simultaneously.
  • Doc McStuffins.
  • The article I read about “optimum child spacing”.  Complete and Utter Bullshit.
  • The song Midnight City by M83.  If I hear that damn song one more time…
  • Listeria.  I want to eat a ridiculous amount of lox and the fear of contracting listeriosis is the ONLY thing standing in my way.
  • All drivers other than myself.


Things That Have Made Me Insanely Happy Recently:

  • Chocolate milk.
  • Yoga.
  • Listening to my boys chatting and playing together.
  • Watching my husband happily and patiently playing catch with the boys after a long day at work.
  • A new chocolate cupcake recipe.
  • That half glass of chardonnay I drank over the weekend.
  • The boys’ new found love for “basparagus”  (translation: asparagus)
  • Finally very nearly perfecting my friend’s epic roast chicken recipe.
  • Watching Max’s eyes light up when he felt Baby Marleigh move.
  • Bacon-wrapped Dates.
  • A batch of biscuits that turned out PERFECTLY.
  • Reminiscing about my first date with the Hubs.
  • The song Tribute by Tenacious D.
  • Being able to hold my yoga poses longer than the uber-fit, incredibly muscular guy behind me in class.  I know it’s not a competition but my clumsy, pregnant self felt damn good about it.  Damn good.
  • Watching my crazy baby girl wriggle in my belly.  So freaky.  So glad she’s happy and healthy in there.
  • My perfect blood pressure.  I’m like the Michael Phelps of blood pressure.  I own that shit.

7 thoughts on “Roller Coaster

  1. OMG I love you. You are hilarious. I want to do a post like this. Don’t worry, I will give you full credit and link backs. But seriously. This is fucking brilliant.

  2. Thank you, dear friend!! It was probably more cathartic than anything. haha! I would LOVE to hear your cry/punch/happiness lists. I feel certain I would be thoroughly entertained. 😉

  3. Pingback: A Special Kind of Crazy | rachellepayton

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